<![CDATA[Women Under Construction - Blog]]>Thu, 24 May 2012 17:55:21 -0500Weebly<![CDATA[How to Declutter Your Home]]>Thu, 10 May 2012 08:31:12 -0500http://www.womenunderconstruction.com/1/post/2012/05/how-to-declutter-your-home.html Clutter has become an epidemic in our society. Most people find their homes filled to capacity with their possessions, and they may have even more in storage. As a result, people spend much of their time cleaning, sorting, fixing, and replacing their possessions. They may even wonder where it all came from.
If you have found this to be true in your own life, it’s time to do something about it. It’s time to declutter. To get rid of the clutter, follow these three simple steps:

1. Buy less.

Many people purchase items they do not need and may never use. Or they purchase an item to replace another they have lost in the clutter of their home. When you resolve to buy less, you will save money and avoid adding to that clutter.

In particular, beware of impulse spending. Refuse to make a purchase based solely on an impulse. Instead, purchase items for their usefulness. Do you really need it? Will you actually use it? Or will it end up collecting dust? If you are not going to use it, leave it in the store.

2. Reduce the existing clutter.

By getting rid of what you do not need, you will be able to enjoy the rest all the more. As the abstract expressionist painter Hans Hofmann pointed out, “The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”

Go through your home one room at a time and divide your possessions into three categories: stuff to keep, stuff to throw out, and stuff to give away or sell. You can do this over the course of a weekend, or you can do it in short bursts. You could also take advantage of the commercial breaks during your favorite show by sorting through a room or closet. Even those twelve to fifteen minutes can make a significant difference.

Consider how you can reduce your clutter while simultaneously blessing others. Try following the example of the early Christians, who “sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need” (Acts 2:45, KJV).

3. Refuse to accumulate clutter again.

Once you have cleared away the clutter, the danger exists that you will replace it with more clutter. So decide from the beginning that your home will remain a clutter-free zone. Whenever you bring something new into the house, take something else out. If an item has gone unused for a significant period of time, dispose of it.

Do not give in to the temptation to hoard and rebuild your pile of stuff. Remember what Jesus said: “Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth” (Luke 12:15, KJV).

By getting rid of the clutter, you will no longer be enslaved to your possessions. Instead, you will be free to enjoy life without the mess.

Of course, our lives can be cluttered by more than just physical possessions. Sometimes our life houses become cluttered with misplaced priorities, weaknesses in character, fragmented minds, and wavering faith. In my book—Women Under Construction—discover how you can build a life house that is free from this kind of clutter. 
]]><![CDATA[How to Resolve a Dispute With a Friend]]>Tue, 01 May 2012 21:23:29 -0500http://www.womenunderconstruction.com/1/post/2012/05/how-to-resolve-a-dispute-with-a-friend.html Even the best of friends have disagreements. At times, these disagreements can cause a rift so severe that it threatens to destroy the relationship. If you are experiencing problems in one of your relationships, taking these measures can give your friendship the best chance of survival.
Keep the disagreement between the two of you. Avoid resorting to gossip and slander. If you malign your friend in your conversations with others, you can destroy all hope of restoring the friendship. People who are not affected by the dispute do not need to know about it. As Jesus instructed, “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother” (Matthew 18:15, KJV).

Go directly to your friend and discuss the dispute one-on-one. As you do, make sure you are not aggressive in your words, your tone, or your body language. If your friend perceives that you are on the attack, his or her defenses will likely be raised. This will make it very difficult to address the issues and resolve the problem. On the other hand, exhibiting a genuine vulnerability can help lower defenses and create an atmosphere conducive to reconciliation.

Address your friend with gentleness and humility. Instead of making accusations, talk about how you feel personally. Describe how you have been hurt, misunderstood, or offended. Explain the reasons and motives behind what you have said or done. Talk about your perspective clearly and honestly, all the while being aware of how your words are being received. Emphasize to your friend how much you treasure your friendship. If you are able to keep a cool and respectful demeanor—even if your friend does not reciprocate—you can pave the road toward reconciliation.

Recruit a mediator. If you meet one-on-one and no progress is made, a mutual friend or a professional counselor or minister may be able to assist. The mediator, whose role is to maintain a respectful discussion and to clarify what is said, may ask questions to probe into the disagreement, but he or she should not take sides in the dispute. All parties involved should maintain confidentiality at all times.

After first suggesting an attempt to resolve a dispute one-on-one, Jesus then advised recruiting the help of others. “But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established” (Matthew 18:16, KJV).

Depending on the severity of the disagreement and the personalities involved, it may take time to restore the relationship. If your friend is unresponsive to your efforts, it may be beyond repair.

If your friend shares your desire for reconciliation, however, it is possible. Though you may never reach a point of complete agreement, you can reach a point of understanding. As long as you can truly understand your friend’s perspective and your friend can understand yours, your friendship can survive and even thrive. Carry yourself with integrity and, as I discuss in Women Under Construction, your own personal and spiritual health as well as that of your relationships will be stronger.
]]><![CDATA[The Best Response to Anger]]>Tue, 17 Apr 2012 22:06:14 -0500http://www.womenunderconstruction.com/1/post/2012/04/the-best-response-to-anger.html We all get angry from time to time. Sometimes our anger is sparked by legitimate reasons such as a great injustice. Other times, our anger may be a response to more trivial matters. Either way, it is essential that we learn to control our anger and express it in appropriate ways.
The Bible has much to say about anger. For example, the Apostle Paul wrote, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27, KJV). This implies that anger itself is not sinful; it is in how we handle our anger that problems arise.

In particular, anger can lead a person to lash out with hurtful or hateful words. Occasionally, the angry person may even resort to physical violence. Neither of these expressions of anger does anything to rectify the problem. More often than not, the angry person later comes to regret allowing anger to determine those words or actions.

What is the problem with allowing anger to decide your words and actions? Beyond the potential embarrassment that often results, words spoken and deeds done in anger serve to fuel increasing levels of anger. Instinctively, it may feel like the right reaction to respond with angry words or actions, but in reality it will multiply your own anger while causing your victim’s anger to grow, too.

The answer, though, is not to deny your anger or to suppress it. These, too, will only amplify the problem. There must be a better way to resolve anger than by creating more anger.

Thankfully, there is. The solution is to express your anger but to do so in a calm and controlled way. When you calm yourself and your tone enough to provide a gentle response to whatever ignites your anger, you defuse the anger rather than empowering it. Instead of creating a cycle where the anger feeds upon itself, the anger will naturally subside. As Proverbs 15:1 suggests, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (KJV).

This necessitates that you avoid speaking in the heat of the moment. When your temper is flaring, you will be incapable of providing that gentle response. Refrain from even speaking until you can do so in a controlled manner. Then, when you have quieted yourself, you can provide that calm, gentle answer and experience the anger dissipating.

Initially, you may feel like you are being taken advantage of or victimized by giving a calm, gentle response to whatever angers you. In time, though, you will see how this kind of response solves more problems than it creates. It can open the door to resolving the issues and reconciling relationships rather than building impenetrable obstacles.

Furthermore, it will reflect well on your character, your integrity, and the condition of your life house. Others will develop a greater level of respect for you, your self-control, and your ability to overcome anger. Read my book, Women Under Construction, for more about building a strong and stable life house.

]]><![CDATA[Remain Positive Through the Difficult Seasons of Life]]>Thu, 12 Apr 2012 05:34:45 -0500http://www.womenunderconstruction.com/1/post/2012/04/remain-positive-through-the-difficult-seasons-of-life.html We all experience valleys in life—days or seasons when everything seems to be conspiring against us. You might be going about your day when, suddenly, an unexpected phone call, text, or email throws your world into turmoil. Perhaps you receive some devastating news from your doctor or find out your job is being terminated. Maybe you learn of the loss of a loved one. Whatever the circumstances, what do you do when difficult days abound?

]]><![CDATA[Rebuilding Your Reputation]]>Wed, 04 Apr 2012 22:01:32 -0500http://www.womenunderconstruction.com/1/post/2012/04/rebuilding-your-reputation.html Dishonesty may be common but it is not desirable. Even those who are guilty of it recognize that dishonesty is not the best policy. When asked, they would tell you that they would prefer to be known as a person of honesty and integrity.
In a study conducted for the book The Day America Told the Truth, it was revealed that 91 percent of us lie on a regular basis and 20 percent cannot make it through a single day without lying. As Sissela Bok explains in the book, “Lying is a way of gaining power over other people through manipulating them in various ways. This is something that children learn… If we are mature, we have to unlearn any enjoyment of that power.”

If your reputation has been damaged by dishonesty, you can recover. You can become known as a person of honesty and integrity. Here are five principles that can help you rebuild your reputation:

1. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You can no longer compromise with the truth. Avoid not only telling outright lies, but also avoid embellishing the truth or exaggerating the facts. Your words reveal your character, so people must learn that they can believe your words. As the Psalmist implored, “Deliver my soul, O LORD, from lying lips, and from a deceitful tongue” (Psalm 120:2, KJV).

2. If you promise to do something, do what you can to fulfill that promise. At the same time, avoid making promises you cannot keep. Even when you mean well, be careful not to over-commit yourself as this may result in broken promises. You must demonstrate that you can be trusted.

3. When you do lie, cheat or steal, confess it and apologize for it. When possible, make reparation. Do this on your own initiative instead of waiting to be “found out.” If you can acknowledge your lapses with integrity and honesty, the damage to your reputation will be minimized. In fact, it could actually help.

4. Maintain honesty even in seemingly small and insignificant ways. Beware of little white lies, and refuse to steal even a paperclip from your employer. If you want to become known as a person of integrity, you will be responsible in the little things of life. As author and speaker John Maxwell has said, “Integrity is about the small things. Little things make or break you. If you cross the line of your values—whether by an inch or by a mile—you’re still out of bounds. Honesty is a habit you ingrain by doing the right thing all the time, day after day, week after week, year after year.”

5. Remember that you are being watched. People are observing how you go about your life, and they are forming opinions about you. They are deciding whether you can be trusted or not. They are judging if you are a person of integrity. Your reputation depends on what they observe.

More importantly, God is watching what you do and why you are doing it. “the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7, KJV). So at all times, even when you think no one is watching, act with honesty and integrity.

Depending on how badly your reputation has been damaged in the past, it can take a while before it can be overcome. But by consistently applying these principles and others that I discuss in Women Under Construction, you can do it. You can rebuild your reputation, constructing a strong and stable life house in the process.

]]><![CDATA[Turn Down the Volume – Seven Suggestions for Adding Silence to Your Day]]>Mon, 26 Mar 2012 21:27:19 -0500http://www.womenunderconstruction.com/1/post/2012/03/turn-down-the-volume-seven-suggestions-for-adding-silence-to-your-day.html In Women Under Construction, I discuss the dangers and realities of the storms of life. Storms can fill your life with stress, distractions, disappointments, temptations, and heartache. In order to survive these storms, consider practicing the discipline of silence.

]]><![CDATA[Why You Should Seek Forgiveness]]>Tue, 20 Mar 2012 18:21:40 -0500http://www.womenunderconstruction.com/1/post/2012/03/why-you-should-seek-forgiveness.html Most of us are willing to extend forgiveness to a person who has offended us, especially if that person has come to us personally and accepted responsibility. It is not always as easy, though, when we are the ones in the wrong. Extending forgiveness can gracious; seeking forgiveness can be humbling.
No one likes to admit to committing an offense, but it is a necessary part of life. When you have wronged someone else, it is up to you to take responsibility for your actions, offer a sincere apology, and do your best to make up for it. The integrity of your life house, which I discuss in Women Under Construction, depends on it.

Why is it important to proactively seek forgiveness when you have hurt someone else? Here are four reasons:

1. Your words or actions have caused harm.

You are responsible for whatever you say or do. That responsibility cannot be passed off to anyone else. Therefore, when you have committed an offense, it is up to you to admit it and apologize for it. While you cannot control how the victim responds to your attempt at reconciliation, your sincere apology will create the best opportunity for the relationship to be restored.

2. The victim may be struggling to get beyond the offense.

Someone who is wounded can become tied to that moment in time. As a result, it may become impossible for that person to move forward in life until the offense is properly addressed. By going to the person you have offended and seeking forgiveness, you can enable him or her to extend forgiveness, experience freedom from the offense, and leave it in the past.

3. Broken relationships have a negative effect on you.

As it is with many people, committing an offense may result in you experiencing sleepless nights and increased levels of stress. You could become consumed with your feelings of guilt and your concerns about the relationship. You might even change your daily rituals in order to avoid uncomfortable encounters with the person you offended. In addition, you may become worried about what others are saying and thinking about you, forcing you to second-guess yourself and withdraw socially. Seeking forgiveness is the only way for you to truly put the offense behind you.

4. Your reputation can be damaged by the fallout.

After an offense is committed, it typically does not take long before gossip begins to spread. When this happens to you, it can cause irreparable harm to your reputation. To minimize the potential damage, seek forgiveness as soon as possible. It is worth it to swallow your pride in order to protect your reputation.

Have you committed an offense for which you have not yet sought forgiveness? Today is the day. Seek forgiveness for your own benefit as well as the benefit of the victim. “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” (Colossians 3:13, KJV)

]]><![CDATA[Overcoming Bitterness Within the Family]]>Tue, 13 Mar 2012 22:39:57 -0500http://www.womenunderconstruction.com/1/post/2012/03/overcoming-bitterness-within-the-family.html Perhaps the greatest enemy of any relationship is bitterness. Within a family, the problem of bitterness becomes even more magnified. If it is not addressed appropriately and quickly, it can lead to the utter destruction of the family relationships.
In Women Under Construction, I describe how many storms can threaten us in life. A storm of bitterness may present the greatest danger. The destructive potential of bitterness has been shown to be severe. There are accounts of brothers who have not spoken to each other for years because of an offense that neither one can remember. There are daughters who have been estranged from their fathers because of bitterness over something that was said or done decades ago, and it has affected every relationship they have had since.

Bitterness can destroy family relationships while negatively affecting other relationships, too. Your experiences at home influence how you relate to every other person you encounter. The family should be the training ground for developing good, healthy relationships, but failure in that environment can follow you throughout life.

This problem is not insurmountable, though. Nor is it irreversible.

Ideally, you will avoid allowing bitterness to set in at all. However, even if bitterness has already had a devastating effect on one or more of your family relationships, you can still make amends. It may not be easy, but it is possible. No matter how much damage has been done, with the proper attention—and perhaps some necessary counseling—a broken relationship can still be salvaged.

Instead of holding on to bitterness, learn to release it. Bitterness offers no benefits for anyone (including yourself), so let it go and seek reconciliation instead. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31-32, KJV). Replace that bitterness with tenderheartedness, kindness, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. If you refuse, it has the power to destroy your family and to rob you of the happy and joy-filled home you could be experiencing.
]]><![CDATA[What Do You Accept as Truth?]]>Wed, 07 Mar 2012 06:20:50 -0500http://www.womenunderconstruction.com/1/post/2012/03/what-do-you-accept-as-truth.html How discerning are you when it comes to truth? Are you careful about what you allow to influence you and your thinking? Or do you embrace anything and everything, regardless of its worth?

Everyday, you are bombarded by more and more information, opinions, and values. How do you respond? Which ones do you permit to shape your worldview and which ones do you discard? Do you have a standard by which you measure the validity of what others try to tell you?

Living in the Information Age offers many benefits. Unfortunately, it presents plenty of drawbacks, too, as much of the information you encounter is false. For instance, how many scam emails have you received in your inbox? How many urban myths have you believed to be true, only later to discover they were distortions of reality if not complete hoaxes?

Many of these problems can be addressed with some simple fact-checking. Those are the easy ones to solve. When you encounter conflicting opinions, values, and faiths, though, it becomes much more difficult. How do you determine which ones are true and which ones you should reject?

Having a method for evaluating truth is necessary. Otherwise, you will have no foundation upon which to build your life house. Instead, you will remain immature and unstable in all your ways.

Either intentionally or unintentionally, there are those who seek to deceive you. Often, deceptive worldviews can be so eloquently stated that they become enticing. If you are not careful, you may find yourself being unwittingly led astray. Your best defense against such deception? The Word of God.

In Women Under Construction, I discuss the essential role of Scripture in weighing your beliefs.  "While there is a place for good sound advice, don't count on the opinions of friends and observers. Get into The Book for yourself... Pull out the plumb line and measure the popular influences of the culture by what you already know to be true from your life manual" (pp. 62, 113). The Bible can provide you with a reliable lens for discerning what is true and what is not.

The Apostle Paul emphasized to Timothy the value of using Scripture as a plumb line. "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works" (2 Timothy 3:16-17, KJV).

Compare the values, opinions, and worldviews you encounter with the Word of God. Consider whether the Bible validates them or opposes them. Rather than having no frame of reference for distinguishing the truth from lies, use Scripture as a reliable point of reference. It can correct you when you are wrong and guide you along a path that is true.

]]><![CDATA[The Practice of Wisdom]]>Tue, 28 Feb 2012 05:00:12 -0500http://www.womenunderconstruction.com/1/post/2012/02/the-practice-of-wisdom.html In the New Testament, James gave an interesting illustration about a man who neglected to act upon what he knows. According to James, this man looked at his reflection in a mirror, then turned away and immediately forgot what he looked like. What the man saw led to no action and therefore made no difference.

Picture yourself doing something similar. You wake up in the morning, stumble into the bathroom to gaze into the mirror, and you are greeted by your disheveled appearance. Imagine you then turn away nonchalantly and head out the door on your way to work, completely ignoring the image you have seen.

Does that describe the extent of your typical morning ritual? Hopefully, it does not. It is more likely that you respond to your reflection by taking a shower, washing your face, brushing your teeth, styling your hair, applying makeup, and caring for the basic requirements for good hygiene. Granted, the nature of your work will dictate the extent of your morning preparation. To not act upon what you observe in the mirror, however, would be unthinkable for most people.

Along with this illustration, James advised his readers, "But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves" (James 1:22, KJV). In other words, do not be satisfied to simply hear wisdom. Instead, put it into action. Do what it says. Otherwise, you will miss the whole point. The wisdom of Scripture is intended to help us in our lives; by neglecting it and refusing to put it into practice, we only hurt ourselves.

In Women Under Construction, I express it this way: "Embrace wisdom. Do not merely listen, but also obey" (p. 61). It is foolish to know what you ought to do and then not do it. Yet many people do just that. Perhaps they fail to realize the urgency of acting, perhaps they become distracted by other things, or perhaps they are simply prone to procrastination. Whatever the reason, they have the wisdom to know what must be done but fail to put that wisdom into practice.

Wisdom can be derived from a variety of sources. It can come through Scripture or prayer, it can be attained through a gift of personal discernment, or it can be gleaned from a friend, family member, or mentor. No matter the source, if it is truly wisdom, then you had best respond accordingly.

What wisdom have you been given? Are there things you already know must be done that you have been putting off for far too long? Set aside the excuses, overcome your inertia, and act.
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