We all get angry from time to time. Sometimes our anger is sparked by legitimate reasons such as a great injustice. Other times, our anger may be a response to more trivial matters. Either way, it is essential that we learn to control our anger and express it in appropriate ways.
The Bible has much to say about anger. For example, the Apostle Paul wrote, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27, KJV). This implies that anger itself is not sinful; it is in how we handle our anger that problems arise.

In particular, anger can lead a person to lash out with hurtful or hateful words. Occasionally, the angry person may even resort to physical violence. Neither of these expressions of anger does anything to rectify the problem. More often than not, the angry person later comes to regret allowing anger to determine those words or actions.

What is the problem with allowing anger to decide your words and actions? Beyond the potential embarrassment that often results, words spoken and deeds done in anger serve to fuel increasing levels of anger. Instinctively, it may feel like the right reaction to respond with angry words or actions, but in reality it will multiply your own anger while causing your victim’s anger to grow, too.

The answer, though, is not to deny your anger or to suppress it. These, too, will only amplify the problem. There must be a better way to resolve anger than by creating more anger.

Thankfully, there is. The solution is to express your anger but to do so in a calm and controlled way. When you calm yourself and your tone enough to provide a gentle response to whatever ignites your anger, you defuse the anger rather than empowering it. Instead of creating a cycle where the anger feeds upon itself, the anger will naturally subside. As Proverbs 15:1 suggests, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (KJV).

This necessitates that you avoid speaking in the heat of the moment. When your temper is flaring, you will be incapable of providing that gentle response. Refrain from even speaking until you can do so in a controlled manner. Then, when you have quieted yourself, you can provide that calm, gentle answer and experience the anger dissipating.

Initially, you may feel like you are being taken advantage of or victimized by giving a calm, gentle response to whatever angers you. In time, though, you will see how this kind of response solves more problems than it creates. It can open the door to resolving the issues and reconciling relationships rather than building impenetrable obstacles.

Furthermore, it will reflect well on your character, your integrity, and the condition of your life house. Others will develop a greater level of respect for you, your self-control, and your ability to overcome anger. Read my book, Women Under Construction, for more about building a strong and stable life house.

Edward Tucker
4/18/2012 12:31:12 am

Anger adds wood to the fire as we use to say, if not contained. Anger is a response not a thought.

5/14/2012 10:30:46 am

Negotiators have some great ways of reframing situations and keeping cool during tense situations.

One of my favorites is asking for the other person's opinion. Very effective at bringing them over to your side.

5/24/2012 10:49:57 am

Andy, you reminded me about ''going to the balcony'' before speaking or reacting. Thanks :)

9/19/2012 09:45:24 pm

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